All or Nothing Read online

  “I, uh…I have something to confess?” I shivered. How long can we stay in the cold car before we freeze to death?

  “Yeah?”

  I nodded. Taking a deep breath, I gazed right into his warm eyes and whispered, “I’ve had a major crush on you since that day at the coffee shop, and it never went away, no matter who I was with. Or who you were with.”

  He inhaled so sharply I held my breath in anticipation of what would happen next. For a moment, Carter was simply watching me with wide eyes and an expression I couldn’t decipher. Not having a clue what was going on in his mind was unnerving.

  Please say you’re glad, and you feel the same. Please, Carter.

  I had to break eye contact, so I turned my head. “I’m sorry if that was a stupid thing to say. I know it was a stupid thing to say.” Damn, I should’ve kept my mouth shut and kept my thoughts to myself like I normally do.

  I nearly bit my lip when Carter’s fingers brushed along my jaw, turning my head toward him with a gentle tug. Holding my chin between his fingers, he beamed at me with the brightest, sexiest smile. His breath, when he let out a sigh, was hot against my mouth.

  “Heaven help me, but man, you’re adorable, Remmy.”

  ♥

  Chapter Six

  Carter

  I’m going to do it. I’m going to kiss Remmy!

  Swallowing nervously, I let my eyes fall closed, intent on finally, finally claiming Remmy in a long-overdue kiss when a sudden sound from behind startled me. My eyes popped open, my heart beating fast. I’d gotten so lost in the moment, for a second I didn’t know where I was. The car. Snowed in. Someone was rapping on the window.

  There loomed a creepy, shadowy figure behind me, staring through the wet, partly snow-covered glass on my side. What on earth was happening? The guy must’ve wiped a spot clean to peek through the window. Mindful of the snow still whirling like crazy, I pushed the door open. Thick flakes of white danced through the air, slowly melting as they landed on our clothes and the blanket covering Remmy and me.

  “You guys all right?” the tall, gray-haired stranger asked, his deep voice echoing through the night.

  “Yes, thank you. We’re good.” I was about to ask what happened and whether he needed help with something, when a police officer joined the older man.

  “Evening,” the stern-looking officer greeted us, his sharp gaze darting behind me, nodding at Remmy who’d gone tense against my side. “Traffic is back up and running, although slowly. We’ll help you to get moving, as we’re reopening the highway. You’re up next.”

  “Oh, of course!” I glanced at Remmy, smiling tightly. He nodded and untangled himself from the blanket, and began moving toward the opposite door. I held his gaze for another second before turning back to the impatient police officer. “We’ll get moving right away, sir.” I pushed the car door open farther and stepped out into the cold night. “Sorry, we were so snowed up I didn’t notice the car ahead of us moving. What happened, anyway?”

  “Couple of trucks collided and caused a chain reaction. We’re still getting it cleared, but the worst is over. With luck, we’ll get everyone out now while the intensity of the storm has lessened.”

  “Will it be safe, though? Looks to me like the snow is still coming down heavily.” I said, tugging at my coat, pulling it as close as it would go. It was fucking freezing. “We’re on the way to New London.”

  “I’d advise you to find the closest motel and stay for the night, if not two. It doesn’t look good, to be honest. I wouldn’t be surprised if the storm picks up again at any moment. It’s been pretty bad down here for the last few hours, and a new Nor’easter warning came in only moments ago.”

  “Okay, we’ll follow your advice. Thank you, officer.”

  “Take care now, boys.” A brief smile appeared on his face before he turned away and moved along to the next vehicle behind us.

  I went around the car and popped the trunk. It took me a moment to locate the snow brush and ice scraper so I could clear the headlights and all the windows. Damn. We should have listened to the news every now and then on our drive, or at least checked one of the many weather apps or Twitter feeds. Where had my head been? I didn’t normally fail this big at adulting.

  Remmy was back in his seat, checking his phone when I returned. I buckled up and revved the engine, the machine rumbling as it purred to life. After switching on the heaters, the condensation on the front and rear windshields slowly began to dissipate.

  “Still no service,” he mumbled without looking up from the screen of his smartphone. Glancing over I noticed the flush on his cheeks. How much of it had been caused by embarrassment and how much was due to the chill in the air?

  “The officer said we should find a place for the night, maybe even tomorrow, as well, since the weather might not clear up as soon as we’d hoped,” I said, willing him to look my way.

  “Sounds like a good idea. I can’t wait to get off the road and find a place to warm up.” He sighed and finally looked at me. A wave of relief washed over me when one side of his mouth curled into a happier expression. “So, a motel, huh?”

  “Best thing we can do right now.” Was I being too hopeful? Thinking we could pick up where we left off? I’d wanted to be close to Remmy for so many months, but I didn’t want to rush into anything, no matter how long overdue. The fact he was reciprocating my attraction was mind-boggling. I mean, I’d hoped he’d feel the same but having him say it? Yeah, mind-boggling.

  “Probably.” Remmy held my gaze. “I’d murder for a hot shower and a bed with soft sheets.” The smile was gentle, the glow in his eyes intense, and my silly heart swooped with hope. Stop it, I ordered, we’re not gonna rush into anything.

  I revved the engine. With the snow coming down less viciously, I could follow the other cars along the plowed highway, and we made it toward the nearest exit without further complications. Within ten minutes or so we drove right into the parking lot of a motel. It was packed with trucks and SUVs, but I noticed a couple empty spots in the left corner.

  I waited in the car while Remmy went ahead to check for vacancies. It wasn’t long before he poked his head out the door—grinning, blue-green bangs falling into his eyes—and gave me the thumbs-up. I took one of the empty parking spots and collected our bags from the trunk.

  Cold wind blew across my face and snowflakes whirled around me as I shouldered Remmy’s backpack and grabbed the gym bag I’d hastily thrown together. Gripping my coat as tightly as I could, I cursed my lack of gloves and the freezing snow making its way into the sides of my sneakers as I picked my way across the lot.

  My heart stuttered at the sight of Remmy sitting on a green plush sofa in the lobby, holding a steaming cup to his lips. His cheeks were bright pink. Would they feel hot against my fingers? Thinking about touching Remmy was thrilling, it sent my mind and heart racing. My fingertips tingled with anticipation, imagining how his skin would feel against mine.

  When he spotted me approaching, his lips curled up on both sides, and with his free hand, he self-consciously pulled his panda bear beanie as far down as it would go.

  “Enjoying yourself I see,” I teased, smirking. “While I’m doing all the hard work.” My stomach fluttered when his flush deepened and his tongue darted out, sweeping across his upper lip.

  “Hot cocoa,” Remmy said and stood. He brought the cup to his mouth and moved closer, licking his lips lightly when he lowered his drink. “Want some before it gets cold?”

  Glimmering golden eyes framed by smudges of black liner locked onto mine. I nodded, feeling the corner of my mouth quirk up. I dropped my gym bag on the gray carpet and took a step toward him. Holding out the still steaming brown plastic cup with both hands, he beamed a shy smile at me. He was truly enjoying himself, like he knew exactly how weak he was turning my knees.

  Remmy’s gaze lingered, never leaving mine while I took a careful sip, and another. I loved the way he was looking at me, a little shyly with his bottom lip caught
between his teeth while he tried to hide his excitement. I ached to hold him, to brush the floppy turquoise hair from his eyes, and kiss his nose, cheeks and lips.

  The chocolate drink was sweet, but Remmy’s expression was sweeter.

  “Ready?”

  “Yeah, let’s go,” I said. “Lead the way?”

  After disposing of the empty cup, I followed Remmy up to the third floor and then down a long corridor. Our room was the very last one, literally and figuratively, as Remmy apparently got the only room left in the hotel. Unlocking the door, he shot me another one of those shy grins over one shoulder before pushing it open.

  “I, uh, hope you don't mind,” he said, watching the light flooding the room, bathing it in a dim yellowish glow.

  I wouldn’t complain, I promised myself, but shit, they had poor lighting here. It wasn’t like we had better options for the night. Dropping our bags on the floor, I slipped out of my wet sneakers, wrinkling my nose at the many stains on the worn carpet. Ew, I didn’t want to know where these came from.

  “Don’t mind what?” I asked. I stretched briefly, feeling the bones in my spine click and jolt their way into place. The hours crammed in the car had taken their toll on my body after all.

  Remmy waved a hand around, tugging at his hat with the other. “It’s big enough; the lady said it would be fine. And comfortable. I hope it’ll be okay…”

  I frowned and swept my gaze around the room. It was tiny and cramped. A small table but no chairs or TV, not even one of those from the stone ages. If we were lucky there might be a teensy-weensy shower. One bed—oh. Oh!

  One. Bed.

  I swirled around and shot Remmy a look I hoped spoke for itself. Only two steps and I was right in front of him, crowding into his personal space.

  The need to feel his skin, to be with Remmy overwhelmed me. For a moment, I didn’t know what to do with my hands, but then I simply reached for him and tugged him close, my fingers squeezing his narrow waist.

  “Carter.” His voice was barely a whisper.

  “Yes, Rem?”

  “Are we actually doing this?” He held my gaze. “You and me?”

  “Only if you want to.”

  “Oh, I want to.”

  I grinned. “Fantastic.”

  Remmy blushed even further, and I feared my heart would stop at the sight. My face hurt from smiling so hard.

  I cupped his face with one hand and smoothed the other down his turquoise bangs. His eyes widened and his mouth fell open, but no words came. When my thumb brushed over his reddened cheek along his cheekbone, he made an adorable sound before snapping his mouth closed.

  “Shit. I could get lost looking at you.”

  “But my hair is turquoise,” he blurted with a grimace, wrinkling his nose.

  “Oh, yeah? I hadn’t noticed,” I deadpanned. “Wait. You don’t like it?” Why did he dye his hair that color if he hated it?

  “I do!” Remmy held my gaze and lowered his voice. “I really do. It’s not very subtle, though, and not everyone thinks it’s acceptable. And well, I didn’t think you’d see me like this,” he mumbled. “It was supposed to be some sort of a prank to bug my mom, you know? She wants to get silly Christmas pictures taken with the whole, big Italian-American family, cousins and grandparents and everything. When I said I had an appointment at the hair salon, she told me explicitly not to do anything 'stupid' with my hair.”

  “So you did,” I said, then laughed. “Of course you did!”

  “I totally did. I thought it would wash out before classes start again, and in case I get sick of it before break is over, I can just shave it all off.”

  “Don’t,” I said firmly, reaching for his hand and squeezing his wrist gently. “I like your hair as it is.” The way his long bangs fell into his face was adorable as hell. “It’s actually very sexy. Golden eyes, caramel-colored freckles,” I whispered, leaning in closer. I brushed a finger down his temple, the side of his face, and across his nose. His skin was so soft. “Sea-green hair.” I tugged at his bangs and licked my lips. “You look absolutely delicious.”

  “Jesus, don’t say things like that!” Remmy laughed, trying to cover his embarrassment. An instant later, his eyebrows drew together in a frown. “How can you possibly like it, though? Is it not too much? I get it if it’s weird for you.”

  “What? No way. I think you’re absolutely beautiful and this color makes you shine even brighter.” A funny, warm sensation bloomed in my stomach. His Adam’s apple bobbed every time he swallowed, and his teeth nibbled nervously on his lower lip. “So sexy and you don’t even know it.”

  I couldn’t believe we’d made it here.

  Remmy and I.

  It was our time now.

  Remmy whispered, “I really want you to kiss me right now, Carter.”

  My heart leaped into my throat, but I managed to croak out, “Me too.”

  Remmy’s eyes fluttered, his cheeks glowing, and I never wanted to kiss a guy more in my life. His hands found my arms and held on. My entire body hummed with the need to be closer. To touch and feel him against me. No clothes and—

  Remmy squirmed when a chiming melody sounded from the back of his jeans. Phone call. I cursed the ill-timing and huffed a breath, reluctantly giving him back his space, stepping aside and watching as Remmy retrieved his phone.

  “Ugh, no. My parents,” he groaned and waved the still ringing phone in the air. He frowned and the look on his face was apologetic. “Sorry, but I think I better take this.”

  “Of course, answer it,” I prompted. God only knew why we weren’t given a damn moment alone! I’d never resented working cell phone service more in my life…

  Remmy gave me such an adorable look, pleading eyes and all, my irritation at being interrupted faded fast.

  ♥

  Chapter Seven

  Remmy

  “What’s with the long face? Everything all right?”

  Carter’s concerned voice cut through the fog in my brain as I returned to our room after stepping out to take the call. I loved my family something fierce, but I hated, absolutely hated being the cause of their drama. And for some reason I always was. The storm hadn’t been my fault, which they understood of course, but it didn’t mean I wasn’t the one causing Mom all the worry in the world. Sometimes I felt like the black sheep of the family.

  “Yeah, sure.” I looked up from the blank screen on my smartphone and met Carter’s concerned gaze. He’d gotten rid of his coat and scarf. We were both now wearing jeans and thin, long-sleeved shirts—his gray with a large white photographic print of the Eiffel Tower, whereas mine was plain, navy blue, without anything fancy for once. I plugged my phone into the charger I'd gotten out of my backpack, set it on the tiny counter by the door, and then headed for the bed and Carter.

  I plopped down next to him, the mattress bouncing with the extra weight. Carter kind of bounced along with the movement, and a grin spread across my face despite my sour mood. Being close to Carter, while knowing he liked me, instantly sent the butterflies in my stomach flying, and I was giddy like a preschooler at the zoo.

  “Mom yelled at me for ten minutes because I was, once again, let me quote, ‘worrying the bejesus out of her’ with my disappearance and all. She’s upset I hadn’t even sent her a text, letting her know I was stuck on the road and not dead in a ditch somewhere. I told her, over and over, that we had no signal! Mostly she’s upset because she missed her favorite TV show worrying about me.” I conjured a pout. “Oh, and I won’t be getting extra pudding this year.”

  Mom always threatened me with less of my favorite food when she’d promised me extra helpings. If we argued, it was about small, unimportant things. I doubted she ever meant to yell at me; it was just how she was. I was sure she’d been worried, so I didn’t want to be a brat about it. No matter how much I loved them, family could be so frustrating at times.

  The next thing I knew we were both grinning stupidly at each other.

  “She’ll be hap
py to see you once we get you home safe and sound,” Carter said. “Mothers are supposed to worry, right?”

  For a moment, I studied the myriad of emotions swirling through Carter’s eyes, mesmerized by the intensity of their color. What is going through his mind? Before I could open my mouth and dive into a conversation that would likely be too invasive with how little we truly knew of each other, Carter beat me to it.

  Sending me an apologetic look, he scooted closer and reached for me. “I’ll buy you all the pudding you want,” he whispered, his eyes on mine and his thumb slowly stroking the skin along my neck, dipping under the collar of my shirt.

  “That’s cheating,” I said. “You have to make it.”

  “Make it, huh?”

  “Of course.” I grinned. “Don’t you know? The way to a guy’s heart is through his stomach.”

  My attempt at humor tickled a laugh out of Carter, and I felt as if I’d won the jackpot on a TV show. “Okay, I'll make you pudding,” he said sweetly, sliding closer. “Well, I can give it a try at least. Making pudding can’t be too hard, right?” A pause. “For now, is there anything else I could do to cheer you up?”

  “Mm-hmm, I could probably think of a thing or two.” I caught his free hand and entwined our fingers. Wow, where did this sudden boldness come from? I was stunned at how little I cared about possibly making a fool of myself in front of my crush right then. I was as nervous as I’d ever been in my life, no doubt, and surprisingly more confident as well.

  I let Carter tug me closer until I was leaning against his side. A sense of rightness and safety washed over me, just like earlier in the car. With his other hand, Carter rubbed along my neck, caressing, exploring.

  “What’s on your mind?” he whispered, blue eyes dancing with delight.

  I said, “You.”

  There it was again. A full-blown smile, even sexier with the dimples in his cheek shaded by a darkening stubble appearing along the length of his jaw. His fingers curled around my biceps. A possessive gesture accompanied by the most possessive look—eyes intense, dark, but warm and gentle—and something inside me snapped, fell right into place.