All or Nothing Read online

  “No, of course not, but you know Kristy; she’s loud and pushy as hell.” I shuddered at the memory of that night, the slobbery, probably alcohol-infused kiss. “It hadn’t been just a quick peck on the lips, you know. I didn’t appreciate her tongue nearly choking me. I would’ve drowned in that pool if some girl hadn’t gotten between us.” And that was another embarrassing moment I wished I could forget for all eternity.

  “From where I stood, it didn’t look like you were in any form of danger. On the contrary, you looked like you guys were having fun.” I could hear the smile in the tone of his voice. In fact, Carter sounded way too amused; it had been anything but fun for me.

  Thinking back to that night, that party…Could it be what I’d thought I’d seen—Carter laughing at me while I floundered in the pool with a half-naked girl on my lap—hadn’t been directed at me at all? Not in a malicious way at least? I couldn’t imagine he had an evil bone in him; it had simply stung, thinking he, too, was making fun of me for whatever reason.

  We stopped at a red light, and his gaze caught mine, holding for as long as the traffic would let him. “I never took you for a fan of Truth or Dare.” His eyes were still dancing with amusement, and perhaps I could forgive him for laughing at me back then. He’d proven he could be friendly, and his interest in me, as a friend at least, was genuine. I could forget that party, erase it from my mind for good.

  “And you’re right. I’m most definitely not a fan of Truth or Dare.” I glared at Carter. “Don’t you be getting any ideas. That game is the work of Satan. Pure evil.” We both laughed, and it was amazing to be having this ridiculous conversation with him.

  “So, you’ve kissed girls before, then?” His earlier response got me curious. Did he like kissing girls as much as guys?

  “Sure,” he said, lifting one shoulder in a half shrug, eyes focused on the road.

  “So, are you bisexual?” I had to ask, throwing the same question back at him, since he wasn’t giving me much I could work with. “I’ve never seen you with a girl. Not in a romantic way, I mean.”

  “Well, I had a girlfriend back in high school; we dated for a year or so. It was good and just as great as dating a guy. I guess you could say I don’t fall for someone’s gender, but the person they are. Although—” Carter held my gaze for a moment before returning his focus back out the window. “—I’m more into guys lately, it seems.”

  “So you’re pansexual then?”

  “Yeah, sure. If we want to put a label on it, then pan is perfect.”

  “Ah wow, cool,” I said, scratching my chest. “Well, I’m just plain old gay.”

  “Nothing wrong with that.”

  Carter glanced at me and our eyes met for a second. He was smiling and it was infectious; my lips pulled up on their own accord.

  “Nope, I guess not,” I agreed, feeling incredibly light all of a sudden. Like I would float up and out of the window if I opened it, drift away on a snowy winter breeze.

  We were quiet for a moment, listening to Christmas songs. Outside, the snow came down harder for the next few miles. We crossed the Hudson River at a snail's pace, squeezed in between rows of cars all heading home for the holidays, visiting friends and family. I could barely make out the water: it was so dark and foggy, and the snow wasn’t letting up.

  Carter startled me when he spoke again. “Did you know, there are all sorts of rumors about you?”

  “Eh? What are you talking about?” Who would gossip about me? And why? “Well? Are you gonna tell me?” I added when Carter didn’t offer any more insight on those alleged rumors. I tried to catch his gaze but he wasn’t looking my way, fully focused on the traffic.

  “Some girls—and guys by the way—were claiming they, uh, bagged you, like you were some kind of prize at a summer fair…” He paused briefly. “I have to admit I was surprised. Everyone knows you can’t trust these kinds of things, but I never saw you going out with anyone, male or female, so you remained quite the mystery to me.”

  The latter was true. I’d never made out with anyone from college, and I certainly hadn’t brought Jesse, or the few guys I’d been on a date with, to parties or anywhere near campus.

  A laugh bubbled out of me. “Seriously? You’re telling me there are sex rumors about me? Me?” Jeez. People were too invested in other people’s lives. It shouldn’t have surprised me, though, and honestly, I could care less if they thought I was a little more fluid in my preferences than I really was. Still, it was ridiculous anyone would gain anything by saying they’d had sex with me. It was quite hilarious.

  I stared at Carter, waiting for what I wasn’t sure. He wasn’t looking at me. I sighed. “That’s insane. I’m kinda lame and… Holy shit. Why would anyone claim to have had sex with me?”

  I was a nobody; a little odd and far from handsome or athletic. No hidden talents, and I wasn’t even smart enough to land straight As. I’m probably not even that good at the whole sex thing, so yeah, the joke’s on them.

  “There are a lot of people who find you worthy of such rumors, Rem. Trust me.” The shy smile he flashed me was dimpled, white-toothed, and blinding. I nearly choked.

  “Oh my God! You didn’t,” I said, horrified at the idea of Carter joining in, feeding those rumors. There was no way… No, that wasn’t his style.

  “Of course not!” Carter laughed, his eyes flashing with amusement. “You really do think the worst of me. I’m wounded.”

  A loud honk from behind startled us, and Carter apologized with a quick wave into the rearview mirror. We caught up with the traffic, and I struggled to find a smart comeback, or one at all. My mind was as blank as a fresh sheet of paper.

  “No worries,” he said lightly. “We’ll just have to work on it.” When I caught Carter’s gaze briefly, his eyes sparkled.

  Something about those easy smiles and arresting eyes made me want to be witty and clever, but the words wouldn’t come. I wanted to charm the pants off him but didn’t know how. I wasn’t the funniest person to begin with, and I was even further from expressing myself in a rushing waterfall of witticisms whenever he turned those searching eyes on me.

  “Truth is, you’re more interesting than you give yourself credit for, Remmy.” I was relieved he didn’t give me enough time to process what he was saying. “Karen—you know her, right? Short redhead, always wearing flowery dresses and straw hats.” Carter chuckled and the sound went all the way to my bones. “She seems like a nice enough person, always with a smile on her face. But she spreads rumors like nobody else. Trust me; you don’t want to get on her bad side. I speak from experience.”

  “Oh yeah?” My breath caught. My thoughts were running wild, and my heart thundering madly in my chest.

  Carter nodded, saying, “That’s a story for another time.”

  “Okay, wow,” I stated dumbly. “But yeah, I know her!” My voice rose. “She approached me once after a party, right outside my dorm room, and hoped I’d make out with her if she asked nicely.” I couldn’t hold back a chuckle. “Too bad for her I wasn’t up for that, and good for me that she’s not as persistent as Kristy. She gave up easily enough, but I guess she told her friends a different story.”

  “I heard, among other things, that you’re a good kisser and supposedly amaaaaazing”—he drew out the word—“in bed.”

  “She did not.” I gasped, absentmindedly rubbing my chest where it still itched and stung whenever I moved. “Jeez. She totally did. You’re not shitting me, are you?”

  The amused look he wore told me everything. That girl! How had I been so fucking oblivious? Did I really live in my head, my own little world, that much?

  “I would never,” he promised with a flashing but sincere smile. “You know, I could think of a million worse rumors. You’ve got yourself a good deal there; trust me.”

  “Yeah, right. Apparently I’m a sex machine, and I had no idea.”

  We were both laughing then, until I had tears in my eyes, and Carter had to take the closest exit for safety
measures. It was a good thing we drove right into the parking lot of a McDonald’s like it was a siren’s call. I could eat, and a cup of coffee sounded like a small gift from the heavens right about then.

  ♥

  Chapter Four

  Carter

  About an hour before reaching Remmy’s hometown, the snowfall increased rapidly, turning the highway to Connecticut into the road to hell. We were at a crawling speed and hadn’t encountered any cars for a while, a strange but welcome change and relief from the clogging traffic we’d had so far, which had slowed us down for a good hour or more. The roads here were icy as fuck, and I could hardly make out where we were headed. I was carefully following the snowy tire tracks along the road unfolding in front of us when suddenly everything went white.

  I pushed down on the brakes as slowly as I could, feeling the antilock chatter as they tried to prevent the car from slipping and sliding. Thankfully, a moment later I had a clear view of the road again, if only briefly. I was playing with the thought of stopping, but suddenly the headlights of another car appeared behind us, and I didn’t want to risk an accident. I handled the gas as carefully as possible, but despite winter tires and the slow pace I’d tried to keep, we began to slide on ice.

  Remmy screamed as I lost control over the car again, spinning out along the slippery road, snow everywhere. Panic made it difficult to think, and I silently begged the damn car not to lead us straight to our deaths. The snow was coming down harder, heavy and blinding, making it impossible for me to keep going.

  We had to stop, there was no way around it.

  I gripped the steering wheel as tightly as my fingers would allow and gently pressed down on the brake, maneuvering the car as best as the icy asphalt would allow. I tried again after a second. Damn. The car wasn’t slowing down at all!

  Shit. Shit. Shit! We’re going to crash into something any second now.

  “Carter! Watch out, we’re going to crash.” Remmy shouted, panicked. “Holy shit! Steer into the slide!”

  My heart stuttered and my gut clenched as the car skidded around a wide banked curve. Without thinking of the consequences, I hit the brakes fast. Then there was an explosion of noise: the chatter of the brakes and the sound of Remmy screaming. Everything happened so fast. We’d hit an ice patch and I lost control, the car doing a complete 360 degree spin. It was dark, my hands shaking. Blinking rapidly, Remmy slowly filled my vision.

  We had come to a halt, the windshield wipers struggling with the collecting snow, and I stared in horror at the scene in front of us. Somehow we had managed to avoid colliding with a row of trucks and cars parked along the road. Thank heavens, we hadn’t slammed right into them. I didn’t want to imagine the outcome if we’d caused an accident where it would be impossible for any ambulance to make their way out here. I hoped nobody ahead or behind us had gotten hurt.

  “Holy shit. Wow. That was so close,” Remmy said breathlessly. I had to fight the urge to throw my arms around him in a hug.

  “Behind us, look! They’re starting to back up.”

  Remmy peered out the back, and I followed his gaze. The wipers were going at mad speed. Night had fallen at last, and everything around us was snowed in, yet the many headlights were blinding.

  I cursed, my chest tightening with terror. “Looks like we’re trapped.”

  “Oh God,” whispered Remmy, and then louder he said, “There’s snow everywhere. Look at that wind! Is it a snow squall? Holy shit, it is.”

  “Yeah, man, it looks like a blizzard out there. I don’t think there’s a way out for now. The road’s clogged with vehicles ahead and lined up behind us.”

  Remmy’s eyes grew comically wide, and he heaved a loud sigh.

  “Can’t last too long though, right? The storm, I mean.” Remmy summoned a weak smile. “At least we didn’t crash into those cars there. An accident would’ve been worse.”

  “Yeah.” So much worse. “Are you hurt?”

  “No.” Remmy shook his head. “You?”

  “I’m fine,” I said. “Glad you’re okay.”

  Remmy gave me a wobbly smile. “Same.”

  I turned the keys and the car went quiet. Everything was silent, the windows were fogged up. None of the cars in front of us were moving. Outside, the snow accumulated rapidly, and with the motor turned off, the chill in the air intensified fast. I unbuckled my seat belt, letting it snap into place, the clink of metal hitting hard plastic sounding loud in the silent car, then gestured to Remmy to do the same. It would be easier to stay calm if we were somewhat relaxed.

  “Let’s catch our breath and…wait it out,” I suggested, since we probably weren’t going anywhere anytime soon.

  Beside me, Remmy nodded and bit his lip, a flush coloring his cheeks. I wanted nothing more than to reach out and cup his cheeks to see if they were hot. Why did he have to look so damn cute? Always blushing, and with those sea-green bangs falling into his warm, brown eyes. Then there were his full, rosy lips that made it difficult to focus on anything other than wanting to press him into the seat and finally kiss him for hours. It had been one hell of a drive so far, the most mentally exhausting trip in fact, and I couldn’t wait to either be right up in Remmy’s personal space and devour him, or get as far away from him as possible so he didn’t get a chance to break my heart. Now that I’d gotten to know Remmy a little, I wanted to know more; I wanted to know everything. I couldn’t walk away from this; it was going to be all or nothing with Remmy.

  I shot a glance at the rearview mirror and there was…nothing. Everything around us had gone dark, snow building on the windows so fast it was like staring into what I imagined a black hole must look like. The blizzard was beating down with a force I hadn’t ever seen in my life, and we were caught in a swirling storm of screaming silver, the world slowly disappearing under a coat of icy snow.

  We were snowed in and freaking stranded in the middle of I-95.

  “We should try the news channel. See what they know?” I suggested, fumbling with the keys, accidentally switching on the blinker. Remmy reached for the radio buttons, changing channels again and again, but there was only silence. Station after station.

  “They’re all dead,” Remmy mumbled. “Damn reception is nonexistent.”

  He was right. Nothing but static. This wasn’t looking good. Leaning forward in my seat, I took a breath and put my hand on Remmy’s leg. “Try again,” I encouraged, but the wan look on his face worried me some. Smiling reassuringly, I added hopefully, “One of them has to work.”

  Nothing—wait. Ah. There.

  “—storm unleashed a paralyzing blizzard along I-95, creating a nightmare for those heading home for the Christmas holidays. Major highways are being shut down. Airlines have already canceled hundreds of flights ahead of the front.”

  Remmy’s head snapped around and our eyes locked. Simultaneously, we hunched forward in our seats to get closer to the radio, as if that would make it crackle less.

  “Don’t get stranded, guys. Check your route. Travel in parts of—” A loud screech. “—become difficult to impossible—” A long moment of static. “—are already a mess in North—”

  Remmy and I shared another concerned look, and the worry on his face didn’t help to reduce the speed of my pounding heart. Silently, I slid my hand higher on his thigh in an attempt to comfort him, or me, I wasn’t sure.

  “—and will quickly become snow-covered and slippery from south to north on the remainder of I-95 in the Northeast.”

  Then the radio went completely silent, for good this time.

  “Holy— Did you hear that?”

  I nodded, my throat tight and my voice stuck somewhere in the back of it. This wasn’t supposed to happen. We should’ve reached Remmy’s home by now; I would have dropped him off and be on my way back to college, where I’d waste my time with video games and junk food until school started again and my friends returned from their Christmas vacation. Remmy should be with his family enjoying their dinner by now, warm and
happy, not cold and miserable, stuck in a tiny car with me.

  “I can’t believe this is happening!” Remmy grumbled, hitting the window with a fist. “After all this, I’m still going to miss Christmas with my family.”

  “Hush, Rem.” I squeezed his thigh until he looked at me. “It’s going to be all right. I’m sure we’ll be on our way in no time. You’ll be having dinner with your family tomorrow night and not even remember this moment.”

  “What if—” His voice went so quiet I barely heard him. “What if we freeze to death out here tonight?”

  “What? No. No such thing is going to happen,” I said and reached for him with both hands. “Promise.” I caught his shoulders in a gentle hold and squeezed. “It’s winter; people get stranded all the time. Emergency crews know what to do and will work on getting the traffic moving, or they’ll get us to safety. We just have to be patient for a bit.”

  Remmy nodded absentmindedly, his body rigid. He was honestly worried something would happen to us, wasn’t he? I waited until his eyes refocused on mine. “There’s a blanket on the back seat. How about we get comfortable while we wait it out?”

  I could tell it didn’t calm him much. His leg was trembling, and he was searching my face for something more. What, exactly, I couldn’t tell.

  “Okay. Sure,” Remmy whispered, and on a whim, I brushed my thumb across his pinked cheek. “You’re right, let’s do that.” The tiny smile tugging at his lips made me want to do something stupid—like lean in, grab the back of his head, and seal our lips in a kiss.

  “You know what?” I said, trying to distract Remmy some more. “We should’ve gone snowboarding in the Poconos instead. This trip is turning out to be quite a pain in the ass.”

  “Yes! We really should’ve done that.” To my surprise, laughter bubbled out of Remmy. “Might’ve been a lot safer too.”

  “It’ll be fine, you’ll see,” I assured him. With the windows covered in a thick layer of fresh snow and ice, we were plunged into darkness. Not knowing what was going on outside made me uneasy. I reached for my phone, swiped my finger across the screen until the flashlight app was illuminating the interior. Beside me, Remmy relaxed a fraction. Then there was the distant sound of sirens. A police car, perhaps? I hoped it wasn’t an ambulance, that someone hadn’t gotten hurt. Maybe they needed help? There was a great chance venturing outside right now would be dangerous as hell, but it didn’t stop me from wanting to check out our surroundings. See it with my own eyes. I hated being helpless, and realizing how afraid Remmy was only intensified the urge to assess the situation and get us out of here as fast as possible.